Insanity

I sit here awake at 3 in the morning thinking about my life, the house is asleep and extremely quiet, except for the occasional snore. Who would have thought things would change so much from the innocent days of childhood, that a little girl would grow into a woman with so much drama.

I started a new job today, the first step of many towards becoming a nurse practitioner, little by little I will do what it takes, no one believes me right now that this is what I want but I have made allot of mistakes in the past and tend to talk allot and never back it up. This time though I feel a calling to help those that cannot help themselves and as my grandpa said "Pick a profession that people will always need" I don't think people are going to stop getting sick or injured anytime soon.

On another topic My Children, each day is a struggle finally being free from abuse myself now the battle is getting them free. The judge gave him custody, only because he has a secure job "Duh he is a Marine always need someone to do that job" and he has a more secure relationship, why because he is married and I am not. Well the truth is I am not jumping into anything, the kids have been through enough and I am thinking about them it is not about me anymore. I am with someone wonderful but am taking it slow for the kids sake, granted they love him and would love mom to be married tomorrow but I myself am not ready to take that step, using my head this time not my insecurities or my heart.

Mom is still fighting her own battle and we pray for her everyday, my problems are the last thing she needs right now with all the things she is already handling. I worry about her everyday but I know that my mother is a fighter, always has been and always will be. We come from a long line of strong women, I just hope that I pass those traits on to my daughter also.

Speaking of the past, I have also been hearing words that have been said to me years ago it is as if Grandpa and Grandma are standing right over my shoulder guiding me and giving me the strength I need to get through this all. I know that someday things will workout but have an overwhelming feeling that is going to take some time and extremely hard work to achieve that which needs to be done.

No matter how hard life gets though I have to remember one of my favorite quotes "Where there is breath, there is hope" and guess what I am still breathing so I will never loose hope that is one thing no one can take away from me that and my faith in God and the belief that he knows what is best for me.

So now that some things are off my chest I think it is time for sleep, sweet dreams and goodnight!